At the time I started to see her, Maria had been in therapy for few months. She saw me for she felt stuck from a previous therapist. She reported that her therapy was not moving anywhere.

When Maria was born, her father and mother looked to her for the fulfillment of their damaged dreams. They pushed her to activities they felt incapable of doing.

Growing up, Maria felt that her parents owned her by the way they spoke to and treated her. When she refused what they wanted her to do, they’d call her demeaning names.

Under such circumstances, Maria developed a shame-prone “core identity.” She felt bad because of disastrous consequences of asserting her individuality, own thoughts and feelings.

Toxic parents are shaming. They treat children as possessions. Not persons, but extensions of themselves.

When children develop their separate and unique identity, they’re seen as a threat by their shaming parents to their personal needs.

The result is, children are not moulded to feel valued as a person. In the shaming process of being treated as a possession rather than a person, wrong behavior and self are the same.

This is the reason why unhealed people who are shame-based end up spreading the shaming process in relationship with others.

Without therapy or intervention, the cycle perpetuates itself all the time. Affirming the mental template of badness – a possession rather than a person.

When Skype Therapy Heals

Psychotherapy at a distance via Skype holds a promise. It’s mental health care for whoever needs it. Wherever they are.

This is good news!

That’s for all sorts of people.

Such as:  remotely-located farmers or fishermen, high-flying business people, overseas workers, ex-pats etc facing cultural or linguistic obstacles accessing care.

For all of them, and others, Skype promise access to psychological care. It’s a tool to help them heal.

Consider “The Skype Psychologist” at The Atlantic. It writes about a master of the Skype therapy.

It starts by directing readers attention to one promise that Skype therapy is indeed better than nothing.

Burgo, the featured Skype expert, acknowledges that screen relations treatment is not “ideal” and that it would be “better if my clients and I were able to meet in my office week after week.”

But “for people who live in remote locations where qualified professional help is scarce or entirely unavailable, connecting with a therapist by Skype is often the best option.”

Burgo further comments that he treats ”a number of busy professionals living in New York, Zurich, and London where there is no shortage of qualified therapists.”

He wants people in need of psychotherapy to avoid the hassle of a subway ride or driving to someone’s office.

Forget about that umbrella, Skype on over to the shrink. And if your car has Bluetooth why not some hands-free treatment while driving?

And if not, you can be like someone with whom he worked who “propped his iPhone on the dashboard and spoke to me while driving long distances from one city to another.”

And why not?

Healing from Unemployment

Jeff is unemployed. He has bills to meet. Two teenagers and one child to feed. And his wife waits anxiously for some response from job applications.

Weeks roll into months. Months roll into years. The clouds get darker as time passes.

Unemployment drains Jeff. Emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

The social stigma is also evident. His relatives and friends often withdraw, or don’t know how to react. As if he’s less than a real person.

Jeff used to be a confident, self assured man. But all that is stripped away … by the horrors of unwanted lack of employment.

Understandably, Jeff feels devastated. His self esteem crashes. He feels worthless to himself, his wife and children, his friends, and society.

Unemployment. A personal, private trauma wound.

In my country and in many other places, the trauma of unemployment is a distressing personal malady. It’s known to invade and wound a lot of people.

No totally satisfying cure has been found yet by politicians, businessmen, or doctors. The numbers of sufferers keep increasing in our era.

As one of the suffering unemployed several times before, I’ve found that what we look for in this trauma or crisis are these 3 major keys: wisdom, patience, and faith.

When you’re down in the depths of despair, you’re put to the test. In those 3 major keys and areas. Make sure they’re well covered in your surviving and thriving.

As a Christian myself, I realize that I could not depend on man for solutions. Only God can be my ultimate solution, my ultimate mental, emotional, and spiritual anchor in trying times.

I know how it works. And able to say, “I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed …”

That is a far more lasting and real therapy to unemployment. It yields practical results as well beyond what you can imagine.

Finding Your Truth

I don’t know what has happened. Or, where it has come from.

Last night’s group session, I had the truth in my mind. Yet I failed to express it. Something held me back.

It’s my personal blinder. A mistake. A negation of my personal sense of truth about my self.

As human as my struggling patients, it’s senseless to pretend perfection.

Therapy is self truth. It’s a process of seeking the truth about your self.

In the midst of the busyness of life and our world, we need to find a focus to make it happen.

It’s good, of course, to focus on healing our blinders or mistakes. You look into your self as you are with your faults – objectively.

But this is not enough.

You also need to focus on your assets. Your positives. Your gifts.

You must develop and cherish these assets. And work with them.

It’s also essential to look into your past. If you can do this deep enough, you see your mistakes again. And be in a position to learn from and avoid them.

I do not mean you obsess over your past mistakes and untruths, leading you to blame your self.

The real purpose of seeing your past is to live today with clear truths about your self.

Finally, plan for today’s possibilities. That will impact your future.

The primary excitement of knowing the truth about your self is becoming mature. Whole. Healthy.

Take stock of your self. Seek real truths about your self.

Look behind you, before you, and within you.

Remember that your self and life belongs to you. Especially, your truths.

Keep discovering.

Healing from Betrayal

“Anung gagawin ko?” “Saan ako pupunta?”

One woman broke down and cried, “Ayoko ng mabuhay!”

Betrayal. Violation of the intimate bond.

For many years, I’ve done “battle” in my sessions helping individuals heal from this deepest cut.

Infidelity. Emotional abuse. Verbal aggression. Physical Violence. Deception.

It’s tragic to note that most suicides and homicides are borne out of the betrayal wound. If left untreated, it can lead to irretrievable destruction.

Yet, there are so few places you can go to where you can truly heal. More so, very few professional and personal supports competently able to provide help.

I’ve always noticed that when people suffer the betrayal wound, they tend to focus more on the perpetrator of the hurt – one’s partner.

However, the real work does not lie on the other person. It lies on one’s self and the process that needs to be started, sustained, and completed to heal.

If you’re experiencing this pain, would you like to join me in a travel, hiking, or adventure healing journey?

I call it “Healing from Betrayal: How to Be Free from Infidelity, Abuse, Deception, and Bitterness.”

In this journey, you receive priceless gifts of wisdom, insight, and tools, such as:

… my own personal and professional story
… intimate betrayal and psycho-trauma stress:
footprints in the heart and soul
… 5 common reasons why betrayal happens
… 3 steps to develop your healing identity
… 4 basic tools to start healing and empowerment
… 7 keys to retraining your betrayed heart and soul
… how to live and love again!
… top 1 secret for total recovery: final thoughts on healing from betrayal

Feel free to drop me a note for further information or a discovery call!

Nourish Your Brain Thru Meditation

Meditation is brain-nourishing. It promotes mental, emotional, physical, as well as spiritual health.

You exercise it, you develop life health overall.

Dante was an over-worrier and overthinker. When he first entered session with me, he got anxious a lot about too many things at the same time.

Also, his perceptual focus had always been on the negative. He responded to other people’s labels as if they were the real thing.

From this kind of thinking, he took labels and opinions from others literally. And, all the time, he’d assume he somehow knew about his “badness” or attribute ill will to others.

One of the first key new habits Dante learned in our work together is meditation.

Mindful meditation. Taking control of intrusive thoughts. Refocusing, when the “monkey mind” jumps again.

With this new habit, Dante has noticed that, on days that he exercises meditation, he is pretty less anxious and agitated.

His meditation breaks help him relax and be more focused on his work.

In my weekend geriatrics group session with aging men, we do a lot of meditation. Training the mind. Taking control of one’s thoughts.

How such a simple activity improve symptoms of depression and anxiety common among the aged! It promotes their learning new things to grow. It preserves the aging brain.

Meditation. Its benefits are profound.

Not only demonstrated by thousands of years of anecdotal evidences. But it’s also solidly validated by exhaustive scientific research.

From Physical to Digital

It used to be a traditional way.

I once worked all the time in the office. With armchair and tools.

But with it, the problem of the high costs of wasted time. Enduring more than a couple of hours travel each day to office.

The cost of fuel, not factoring in medical costs of my increasing weight, blood pressure, traffic-anxiety, and fatigue, significantly reduced my joy and effectiveness.

I’m glad times have changed.

With the growth of the mobile and the internet, society has evolved. Progressively it moved work channels from the physical to the digital.

The lines between work and life are being erased in the process. Time and money are saved.

The threat of burnout and mental health challenges get to be addressed. Distance is no longer a problem between people engaged in a working process.

Whenever I do Skype or phone sessions with patients from the Philippines, Qatar/Dubai, Australia, USA, Japan, or anywhere else around the world, I’ve come to feel that I’m more productive.

I feel refreshed working remotely than when sedentarily confined in a clinic cubicle. I’m glad I can do running or recharging while helping anyone, anywhere!

Productivity for individuals nowadays appears more in the comfort of home or natural environments.

The domino effect is the natural fruit of seeing that the main value exists not in the structure of a fixed physical space of an office.

But it lies more in the value of output made. I think I’m not alone in believing this to be so in our times.

The working world in general is more and more showing a a rising trend of decreased need for a central physical hub to do work.

I’m reading US National Library of Medicine, which suggests that remote, digitally-based workers have higher performance outputs.

The less office means increased productivity by up to 70%, according to Time Doctor Stats.

With technology spurring growth and saving costs, don’t be surprised if you see me championing a non-traditional office-less “psychotherapy without borders.”

Via Skype or phone. Or, in coffee shops, beaches, or malls. It’s organic. Natural life flow. Time/cost-effective.

In short, a more healthy option towards your search for healing and wholeness in your life.