Psychologists tell us that the most primal fear in all humans is the fear of abandonment. Some even say its a common cause of ultimate psychological wounding. That’s not difficult to see.
When we came into the world, we were helpless babies. We were totally dependent on adults to feed us physically, emotionally. mentally, and relationally. What baby has not spent hours crying and fearing that no one will be around to respond!
Growing into adulthood, this ancient fear never leaves us. At either extreme of the relational spectrum, it can cause psychopathology or abnormal behavior. An extrovert and an introvert, a sociable peddler and a hostile hermit, may both be motivated by the same ultimate fear of abandonment. Whether we’re cold, wet, hungry, or simply lonely, we need to know that someone will respond to us.
Thus a major step in personal healing and wholeness is learning to “choose to connect,” especially with safe and supportive people. This is so much a necessary therapeutic step for those who’ve suffered an abandonment trauma wound from their earlier developmental years. How much we all need to know and feel that there are people who love and accept us just as we are and are committed to be with us.
Recovery takes place in a relationship, not in isolation. Disconnecting and isolating (so common a reaction among trauma victims) doom one to deeper psychological wounding. One can hardly heal and be whole again without a healthy relationship with at least one to three people who care enough to understand, support, and stay.
If you’re hurt or wounded, take steps to connect so you can heal. Whether with a therapist, friends, loved ones, or a community, it’s important that you choose to connect your life redemptively with others.