The Big S is a universal human condition. It sounds like this: “I’m afraid to tell you about my deepest secrets because if I do, you’ll think I’m bad, and I can’t stand hearing how bad I am.” It makes a person feel hopeless; that no matter what he or she does, it cannot be corrected. So the person tries his or her best to keep it to himself/herself, block it out, or pretend that it is not there.
In order to hide or defend against the feeling of the Big S, a person may disguise or mask it and then project it into other people. Some of these feelings and actions that mask the Big S include anger, rage, blame, control, perfectionism, neglect, compulsive behavior, abandonment, disappointment, contempt, alienation, withdrawal.
Psychotherapists refer to the Big S as “Shame.”
Now the problem is, no matter how well a person may defend, disguise, or mask his or her Big S, it can still be seen by others. The Big S will not go away and heal unless the person learns what it is, faces and experiences it, and shares it with safe people and even for professional treatment. There is no other way but to work it through.