“I don’t belong anywhere. I feel so alone in the world. It’s a most horrible feeling!”
That’s what came out of Marissa, whose parents emotionally and physically abused her while she was a child and now her husband just left her for a younger woman.
She cried, “Even with my family, I don’t feel I belong because they couldn’t understand what I’m going through. They’ll say ‘Oh just get over it, it will be ok’ and I’m still not ok. I could not make them understand the depths of what I’m feeling inside. They couldn’t relate and see.”
Championing your own inner healing involves finding a new family. If your family of origin is not healing, it’s unrealistic to expect support from them when you’re deeply wounded. In fact, troubled family members may say that what you’re doing is stupid and they’ll shame you for it. With the dysfunction in your family, what makes you think you’ll get your nurturing needs met there?
So, in situations like this, it’s healthy that you keep a safe distance and work on finding a new, nonshaming, supportive family. You need to go outside to find a healing life support group that you could join – a safe place where you share your hurts, your concerns, and your fears with other people who share your pain and experiences.
A loving, supportive life group can do wonders for your recovery. The people in the life group can best relate to what you’re going through and have typically been through what you’re going through. This could be a life group of friends, a therapy group, a church community, an office/company sharing life group, or some 12-step group.
Angel, a member of a hospital-based healing life support group testified, “I got into this Healing Life Support Group in the hospital, and it became my family. This is a place I feel I belong because I could tell people how I feel and they understand. They’ve become my family because of the shared pain.”
You need a new family. A healing life support group can be the “family” you need during your critical time of woundedness and loneliness. Find this new family.