In many instances, a person thinks and feels that what he or she is doing externally will bring about solution to his or her deep needs internally.
Consider a single young woman who is a workaholic. She is driven to perform and spend over 60 hours a week in the office. All her energies are devoted to getting ahead in her corporate career. During her little free time, she goes to the bar to pick up men and have sex with them. Outwardly, this woman claims that she must work long hours and find release in sexual relationships for her survival and enjoyment.
If you are to ask this woman whether she’s happy, she may likely say, “Of course, I’m happy. I get what I want.” Or, she may admit, “I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t get satisfaction anywhere.” The truth of the matter is, such a woman does not fully understand herself. She does not know within her self the true nature of her needs. She has been deceived into thinking that she can increase her self value to or acceptance of others through hard work and casual sex with men. At the core of her very being is a deep need to be loved, recognized, and embraced for who she is as a person.
I’ve met countless people in my personal and professional life who fit the profile of a woman I’ve given here. In every case, they try to meet deep internal needs through external solutions. Then only to discover that they don’t really satisfy. They could never reach out deep enough to meet real needs within. I’ve discovered that when I’m able to talk long enough to persons and they become willing to be honest with themselves and me, they come face to face with their deepest true needs.
Indeed, until those deepest true needs are directly faced and addressed, a person is likely to continue pursuing external solutions for their internal needs. External solutions don’t work to fulfill internal needs because ultimately they are false solutions.