I feel that the last two marital therapy sessions I had with Emmanuel and Cynthia are one of their best healing breakthroughs. In a previous one, after hearing a Buddha story and quote on self love, Emmanuel spontaneously asked me, “Do you think I love my self?” In our other session last week, I saw Emmanuel shed tears for the first time in our sessions.
Tears are precious. Cynthia’s tears enable her to rewrite the story of her brokenness on her own emotional terms. Emmanuel’s, on the other hand, rather than having them bottled up to further harm him, allow him to release his critical mass. They’re not victims anymore. Progressively, they’re growing by expressing those complicated feelings to each other. In doing so, they individually discover and assert their emerging true self.
“Jesus wept.” The shortest verse in the Bible. In the spirit of Holy Week, I’m reminded of how our Savior had suffered for you and I for our redemption. His tears addressed the problem of our human condition in order for us to feel at peace in our relationship with Him and with each other. In a somewhat similar vein, I see Emmanuel’s and Cynthia’s tears as significant energy focused on fighting to retake their life. They’re tears that can lead to their healing and redemption.
Before I start shedding my own tears as I write this, let me say that the important thing is that I’m describing to you what it’s like to grieve loss in a healthy way. Also the good news is that rage, once redirected, gives you the energy to do the work of rehabilitation. That energy strengthens you to express anger without fearing that the other person will break the connection. It’s such a beautiful beginning of letting go.