If you are married to a spouse who is sick with infidelity, it’s vital that you don’t allow or “enable” the behavior to continue. In cases when your spouse is unwilling to give up the OP (other person), you must confront him or her. And at the same time, make appropriate bold moves by refusing to accept your spouse’s destructive behaviors.
If you’re the betrayed spouse, here are some important healing steps and guidelines you need to bear in mind when your unfaithful spouse is not showing sincere evidences of remorse:
* Listen to his/her actions, not his/her words;
* Do not resort to criticism, lecturing, angry flare ups, and other putdowns;
* Learn to charge neutral and calm your self as you enforce healthy boundaries;
* You must be firm to require your unrepentant spouse to get help: “I love you and I want to remain married to you. But what you’re doing right now is unacceptable and I cannot allow it to continue. Either you take positive and visible steps to change or there will be consequences. It’s a choice between getting professional help for this problem or I’m going to leave you.”
* Make sure you follow through and keep your word.
* Get your own healing, whether or not your infidel spouse changes. Professional help can facilitate and speed up your recovery.
C.S. Lewis once noted that we mistakenly equate love with kindness. He writes, “Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness. Kindness, merely as such, cares not whether its object becomes good or bad, provided only that it escapes suffering.”
Indeed, there are times when love must be tough. Pain is part of surgery, a lifesaver, in removing cancer. Real love inflicts legitimate pain in order to bring about healing and health.