Blame. It’s people’s favorite pastime. Blame is, to point to someone or something to be responsible for something wrong or unfortunate that happened to you. As a result, you find your self feeling powerless or helpless.
Maria shared during our session that she spent a large portion of her life with a husband who has been long addicted to pornography and women. She chose to remain in the marriage because of the children and his financial support. Her focus for years was on blaming her husband for her unhappiness. As long as she could vilify him to friends and relatives, she did not see a need to take action. She spent nearly 20 years hurting and blaming her husband and circumstances.
Eventually, Maria and her husband separated. Her husband continued on with his addictions and extra-marital affairs. Do you want to guess what Maria did after the separation? She found a boyfriend who was a married man. After several months, her married boyfriend abandoned her for he could not completely commit to her and their relationship. This in turn wounded her again more severely, allowing her to blame this boyfriend for her predicament rather than be accountable for her choices and actions.
Blaming others can be comfortable and familiar. See, it’s their fault! Each time and in every circumstance where you blame others, you are reinforcing your belief that you are not responsible. Feeling the victim always, you get centered on your being helpless and powerless. People who habitually blame others focus on what affects them and what they have no or little control over. By concentrating on these externals, they prove to themselves that there is absolutely nothing they can do.
Indeed, when you are living without personal responsibility and accountability, you move on stucked to the blame mode. The pathological result is draining energy from your self, others, and the world.