Love and hate. Dependence and independence. Joy and sadness. Individuality and intimacy. To be left alone and to be assisted. Trust and mistrust. Denial and acknowledgment. To tell and not to tell. To stay and leave.
Opposite tendencies or wishes can do co-exist within us. Especially in moments of stress, we may experience feelings contradicting each other living inside us. What is false and what is true can be confused.
Bridget, a single mother of three, often gets caught in perplexing contradictions. She does not want to be treated as though she is incomplete or needy.
However, she admits in her therapy that she’d like men to notice and love her, and making allowances for her hunger to feel “complete” with a man who’d take care of her. She asked, “Am I crazy? I’m confused.”
Dividedness. The self pulled apart by contradictions. What do you do in such a distressing psychological state? There seems to be no easy solution.
What helps can be the ability to “listen with the third ear.” It’s like my saying you using your “extra sense,” which is something that needs deliberate cultivation. It’s not easily accessible by natural means.
“Listening with the third ear” may mean dealing with our dividedness or contradictions as not a problem to be solved, right away. Before healing or wholeness sets in, this dilemma we always find ourselves in is an aspect of the human condition that must be accepted first.
Once this prerequisite is done, you then free yourself from the domain of helplessness to resolution or coming to terms with it.