We all suffer from times of loneliness, in varying degrees. It’s pain. But it’s pain that tells you and I that we have something important to work on.
David never learned to get emotionally close to anyone. He was lonely even before he got married and later separated from his wife. That’s largely because he was raised from a family where the interaction did not make him feel he belonged. His marital separation increased this traumatic feeling of not belonging or being lonely.
If you’re severely lonely or feeling you “don’t belong,” as in the case of David, possibly the crisis itself can be used to help deal directly with the problem. You need to work through your loneliness so you can get to the other side. You need to develop new resources within your self to spend time alone without needing to have another person around or choosing to establish healthy connections with others.
A mentally healthy person is balanced. He or she strives to establish a proper balance between being alone and being with others. That’s how to heal your loneliness. Through your working on that balance.
Here are a several signposts to know that you’re making progress in your balance in healing your loneliness:
* You have stopped isolating, hiding, or withdrawing into your room or home.
* You have learned not to allow your feelings of loneliness to control your thoughts and behaviors by engaging in addictive activities, such as drinking, gambling, pornography, overeating etc.
* You’re taking time being with people rather than working long hours trying to run from loneliness;
* You’re not hiding from your loneliness by being with people you don’t enjoy being with.
* You are filling up your time with activities alone and activities with others in good amounts to stay active and engaged with life.
* You are comfortable being alone and have aloneness time.
* You avoid or refuse having instant attachment or love relationship just to avoid being lonely.
* You educate your self on how to establish healthy relationships and apply them.
* You choose to enter into romance or dating rather than needing it to overcome loneliness.
* You’ve learned to take time for your self rather than keeping overly busy.