One of my foreign patients, Kevin (not real name), is a “love mechanic.” He had picked up over 50 women so far and had sex with almost all of them.
His expertise is wooing women, sweet-talking, and touching to “be close.” He talks about his feelings too and makes an effort to listen. Mechanically, he can show he loves or cares about women.
After getting what he wants from a woman, he breaks up and moves readily to the next. Immediately, with the next woman, he appears to be just as “intimate” and “loving” there. He knows the moves, the “right” places to touch a woman sexually.
He works hard to make a woman feel good and loved in bed. He uses “love” language constantly. “I miss you a lot,” “I’m feeling so close to you now,” or “I want to share with you how I feel.”
The “love mechanic” is a fake. He believes his “love” is coming from inside him. However, it is actually psychologically or intellectually monitored. His “love” is mechanical, disconnected from his very core or his own feelings.
Yes, he knows and does all the appealing intimate, “loving” behaviors. But his way of connecting is profoundly shallow, distanced, automatic, and therefore manipulative. His way of “love” exists apart from himself — a psychological disguise for disconnection.
Let this insight be a step towards making efforts to recognize, analyze, and heal a “love mechanic,” especially if you’re married or romantically linked to one. The ramifications of such type of “unconscious” psychological deception in relationships are enormously hurtful.
I hope this understanding somehow narrows the gap for you between what seems to be and what is actually going on underneath the “love mechanics.” They do abound around us.