Lots of people say they choose what they want in life. Yet in reality, they’re not choosing what they say they’re choosing for their lives.
Why? What’s the matter?
Mary and William became restless after hearing an infidelity treatment assessment and prescription from their therapist.
The life recovery plan entailed focused work and taking responsibility for their individual and relationship recovery.
Both of them knew what they wanted: to save their wounded, dying marriage. But at a point of really choosing what they choose, a problem arose.
For some reason, they were trying to avoid getting well – the very thing they say they’re choosing for their marriage and family.
Both felt uneasy with strong urges to “escape” what’s difficult.
At this point, I saw what the problem is. Most avoid things they really want to have (not choosing what they choose), unconsciously avoiding painful and uncomfortable situations.
Dr. Rollo May, one of the world’s noted psychotherapists, once wrote:
“People should rejoice in suffering, strange as it sounds, for this is a sign of availability of energy to transform their characters. Suffering is nature’s way of indicating a mistaken attitude or way of behavior, and … to the non-egocentric person every moment of suffering is the opportunity for growth.”
Heraclitus said, “Where there is no strife, there is decay: the mixture which is not shaken decomposes.”
Scripture affirms what they say. “… we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which had been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5)
Sufferings and difficulties are doorways. To wholeness. Character. First-hand knowledge about life. Healing then is to quit trying to avoid the challenge of hard tasks.
There lies what’s profoundly positive, meaningful, and joyful in our lives … and truly choosing what we say we choose.