My Art of Psychotherapy

Time passes swiftly. And I started late.

A desert of time to heal from trauma. The ending of a particular career. Entrance to a new calling. The maturation of children. Widowhood.

Then, freshly gained channels that permit expression of my “real” self. Bursting in recent years with previously unknown capacities.

It took me twenty or more years to realize that my prior years were not wasted or lost. It’s part of a grand plan to acquire special wisdom. To spur to grow. To be of greater use for others.

I feel good about being me. A personality in my “late blooming.” Somewhat arriving at fuller identity.

Nowadays, I’m a daily artist. My art is psychotherapy. I practice my art making sense of life experiences. I write about it, driven to understand the human condition.

My art of psychotherapy blends. The fusion of personal and professional dimensions affects me extraordinarily. My values. My lifestyle. My emotional stability.

Thus this work is not merely a way to earn a living. It has become the essence of my life. There are very, very few careers with this fruit of permeability.

It’s a best therapy ever. Possibly its most exciting facet is some heady sense of contribution to humankind. To a purpose greater than my own.

Every person I meet brings a prospect of a bright, beautiful painting. For revival. For redemption.

I do not do my art to get rich. I do it in order to live.

One masterpiece at a time. One life at a time.

Healing from Betrayal

“Anung gagawin ko?” “Saan ako pupunta?”

One woman broke down and cried, “Ayoko ng mabuhay!”

Betrayal. Violation of the intimate bond.

For many years, I’ve done “battle” in my sessions helping individuals heal from this deepest cut.

Infidelity. Emotional abuse. Verbal aggression. Physical Violence. Deception.

It’s tragic to note that most suicides and homicides are borne out of the betrayal wound. If left untreated, it can lead to irretrievable destruction.

Yet, there are so few places you can go to where you can truly heal. More so, very few professional and personal supports competently able to provide help.

I’ve always noticed that when people suffer the betrayal wound, they tend to focus more on the perpetrator of the hurt – one’s partner.

However, the real work does not lie on the other person. It lies on one’s self and the process that needs to be started, sustained, and completed to heal.

If you’re experiencing this pain, would you like to join me in a travel, hiking, or adventure healing journey?

I call it “Healing from Betrayal: How to Be Free from Infidelity, Abuse, Deception, and Bitterness.”

In this journey, you receive priceless gifts of wisdom, insight, and tools, such as:

… my own personal and professional story
… intimate betrayal and psycho-trauma stress:
footprints in the heart and soul
… 5 common reasons why betrayal happens
… 3 steps to develop your healing identity
… 4 basic tools to start healing and empowerment
… 7 keys to retraining your betrayed heart and soul
… how to live and love again!
… top 1 secret for total recovery: final thoughts on healing from betrayal

Feel free to drop me a note for further information or a discovery call!

From Physical to Digital

It used to be a traditional way.

I once worked all the time in the office. With armchair and tools.

But with it, the problem of the high costs of wasted time. Enduring more than a couple of hours travel each day to office.

The cost of fuel, not factoring in medical costs of my increasing weight, blood pressure, traffic-anxiety, and fatigue, significantly reduced my joy and effectiveness.

I’m glad times have changed.

With the growth of the mobile and the internet, society has evolved. Progressively it moved work channels from the physical to the digital.

The lines between work and life are being erased in the process. Time and money are saved.

The threat of burnout and mental health challenges get to be addressed. Distance is no longer a problem between people engaged in a working process.

Whenever I do Skype or phone sessions with patients from the Philippines, Qatar/Dubai, Australia, USA, Japan, or anywhere else around the world, I’ve come to feel that I’m more productive.

I feel refreshed working remotely than when sedentarily confined in a clinic cubicle. I’m glad I can do running or recharging while helping anyone, anywhere!

Productivity for individuals nowadays appears more in the comfort of home or natural environments.

The domino effect is the natural fruit of seeing that the main value exists not in the structure of a fixed physical space of an office.

But it lies more in the value of output made. I think I’m not alone in believing this to be so in our times.

The working world in general is more and more showing a a rising trend of decreased need for a central physical hub to do work.

I’m reading US National Library of Medicine, which suggests that remote, digitally-based workers have higher performance outputs.

The less office means increased productivity by up to 70%, according to Time Doctor Stats.

With technology spurring growth and saving costs, don’t be surprised if you see me championing a non-traditional office-less “psychotherapy without borders.”

Via Skype or phone. Or, in coffee shops, beaches, or malls. It’s organic. Natural life flow. Time/cost-effective.

In short, a more healthy option towards your search for healing and wholeness in your life.

What’s True Love?

What is true love?

Everyone talks about it. We want to see and experience it.

You look for it. You long for it. You hope and wish to find that one fellow human being who will truly love you, and whom you’ll truly love in return.

You think that if you find him or her, you’ve found true love to make you happy. True love, most of us tend to believe, lies from outside of us.

I’m used to hearing individuals or couples saying, “I can’t live without you.” So when one loses the other, he or she also loses his or her self.

Even if you get true love from outside of you, it will only be for awhile. It won’t last long. True love doesn’t work that way.

You and your loved one are two separate individuals. You can love another person without losing your self.

True love then is essentially located from within your self. Not outside of it.

As Ravi Shankar put it, “Seek not outside your self, for all your pain comes simply from a futile search for what you want, insisting where it must be found.”

Finding true love then is not about finding your completeness in another person. You don’t need another human being to complete you.

In reality, you’re already complete and whole as you love and accept your self. If you don’t have true love for your self, you can’t realistically expect someone to give it to you.

You only need someone in your life when you desire to share with another your wholeness. Bless the other with true love already residing within your heart.

So a next question is, if true love is found within you, how do you know it’s there, to attract true love from another person?

Conquering Vice

Yesterday, TV host Amy Perez of ABS CBN’s daily morning show Sakto, asked me, “Paano ba matitigil ang bisyo ng tao (alak, babae, sigarilyo etc) ngayong bagong taon?”

I responded in part, “Yung mga bisyo na meron ang tao ay sintomas lang, di pa sya yung sakit.”

The underlying, hidden roots that fuel vices are essentially psychological and spiritual. That’s where lies the key to new life … true, lasting change.

Isn’t this one truth we often miss amid inevitable challenges we face in life?

In my own life, I’ve traveled through several deserts. Family and marital trauma. Financial challenges. Abandonment and betrayal.

Each time, I got broken. Torn apart. My heart was such a wilderness.

Needless to say, I could easily had become an alcoholic, a womanizer, or some sort of addict. Like what multitudes of wounded people have become or done.

Yet something left me sane and resilient those desert times. Unaddicted. Not grasping “false medicine.” Devoid of life-damaging vices.

So what prods me on? What sustains me, through weeks and months and years of searing pain, in my own deserts?

It’s what’s underneath my deepest part and being: the pearl of great price. It’s the Star of Bethlehem.

To develop our best selves, we have two guides: internal and external.

Internal, of course, refers to renewal of the mind. Cleansing of the soul. At times, a need for appropriate therapy. And Scripture is the best, ultimate guide that lays the task for us very well.

External refers to how we fashion our life outside ourselves. Family relationships. Work. Choice of friends. Recreational activity.

Are your internal and external flowing well interdependently to lead you to a healthy lifestyle?

And so, as you start this new year, be ready to travel even through the desert (or deserts) of life.

Choose to live free of vices or “bisyo” with your best self – your body, mind, and soul – following the Star.

Keeping Hope Alive

Awhile ago, I read of Major F.J. Harold Kushner in New York Magazine. He was an American marine held by the Viet Cong for 5 1/2 years. Something happened to him:

“Among the prisoners in Kushner’s POW camp was a tough young marine, 24 years old, who had already survived two years of prison-camp life in relatively good health. Part of the reason for this was that the camp commander had promised to release the man if he cooperated. Since this had been done before with others, the marine turned into a model POW and the leader of the camp’s thought-reform group. As time passed, he gradually realized that his captors had lied to him. When the full realization of this took hold, he became a zombie. He refused to do all work, rejected all offers of food and encouragement, and simply lay on his cot sucking his thumb. In a matter of weeks, he was dead.”

Famous author Philip Yancey says, “Kushner’s experience is a tragic, negative example of the need for some hope to live for.”

Can that happen to any one of us? Sure. I’ve seen this countless times in my therapy sessions. A loss of hope sickens the mind, heart, body, and soul.

As Dr. Carl Jung put it, “Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.”

But mind you, the loss of hope is gradual. Never overnight. It’s often imperceptible that you’re not conscious that it’s already happening to you. If you were, you’d stop the deadly disease.

The disease of hopelessness is like erosion. Silent. Never hurrying up. Slow but constant.

But the good news is, this disease is not terminal. It can be operated on, cured.

I have thought about this always. If you recall my previous sharings – both personally and professionally – a lot in this life would steal or take away our hope to move forward.

Hope and health are inseparably interconnected.

The medicine of hope is determination that refuses to quit when we encounter the pain that losses and sufferings bring into our lives. It must be worked though or else it remains a barrier to our health.

In the bestseller book, “The Road Less Traveled,” the author insightfully teaches us:

” … it is in the whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed they create our courage and wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually … this tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all human mental illness.”

Are You Lonely?

Often when I work with disturbed people, I try to sense which feelings are most painful. A number of themes surface into my actual sessions.

But a common thread reveals that majority of them feels an inner vacuum.  An unsatisfied inner pain. A craving for fulfillment.

In one word: loneliness.

Psychological research reveals that loneliness is a most pervasive emotional disorder of our times. In fact, even without those clinical findings, we know that loneliness has always plagued humankind since time immemorial.

Interestingly, more so in our modern times.  Even with the rise of technology and other special comforts at our disposal. When there is deep emotional trauma, loneliness is most acute.

Experiences most conducive to acute loneliness are: the loss or death of a loved one, a broken home, parental abuses, separation or divorce, infidelity, leaving one’s home for work overseas.

All of these special experiences prevail in our times. They contribute to the increase of incidences of harmful effects of loneliness on people.

In her article in Mental Hygiene titled “Loneliness in Old Age,” author Irene Burnside writes:

“Loneliness is the state of mind in which the fact that there were people in one’s life in the past is more or less forgotten, and the hope that there may be interpersonal relations in the future is out of the realm of expectation.”

Essentially, loneliness is a connection issue. It can be remedied. But the first steps need to be taken by the sufferer himself or herself.


Master Your Brain Health Without Drugs!