Believe in Yesterday

Psychologists have been re-discovering nostalgia. They claim it can have therapeutic mind-opening benefits.

As the Beatles sang long ago, “Yesterday, all my troubles seem so far away … Oh I believe in yesterday …”

I’d met a married couple years ago who were both threatening suicide. Due to the pains they’re experiencing in their marriage.

How could they be lifted out of that?

We used nostalgia, among others, during sessions. Visioning. Revisiting their past.

I asked them to think of their love theme song, the times they first met, the long-ago dates they had when they felt most loving and romantic towards each other.

Both also reminisced about the many wacky, fun times they had with their children when they were growing up.

Fortunately, their nostalgia trip remedied enough their joint suicidality!

We’re then able to work together on the deeper issues of their relationship.

Psychologist Tim Wildschut once observed that nostalgia can foster “feelings of connection” between people.

Even if they’re just confined to one person’s mind.

He told Psychology Today, “You revisit old relationships, bring people closer, and for a moment, it’s as if they’re there with you.”

I once emceed a high school reunion with my batch mates where all we talked about were our after-school hang outs, parties, favorite songs, and crushes.

How energized and vitalized the reunion was through nostalgia!

Everyone felt young again in the mind!

Memory can affect the mind to heal.

Those stuck in the negative effects of their present lives can focus on memories that cast the present in positive light.

“Nostalgia seems to stabilize people, to be a source of comfort and reassurance,” says University of North Dakota State psychologist Clay Routledge.

The Mind of a Jerk

Jerks are known fools. Contemptibly obnoxious persons. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines them as “a stupid person, a person not well liked or who treats others badly.”

How do jerks think?

Jonathan is a certified jerk. Even with the slightest provocation, he’ll turn a minute or incomplete info into a basis to attack you. Verbally. Emotionally. Physically.

For over a year now, Jonathan has been verbally and emotionally abusing his two teenage children and their mother.

He abandoned his children since their childhood. Only to reappear last year in the guise of offering material support onwards.

Jonathan’s true state of mind thereafter is evidenced by his constant control and manipulation. He interprets interpersonal signals consistent with how he sees himself.

For example, when his children missed or forgot calling him, he assumed outright that they’re disparaging him. His expectations of them are excessively negative and unrealistic.

He also bad-mouths and blames their mother to no end, reading unverified threatening meaning into remarks or events. His lack of remorse and amend over past sins is so obvious.

Jerks are often deeply shamed-based. Their perceptual focus is always on the negative. All information they receive have symbolic meanings about their personal identity.

Psychologists/authors Dr. James Harper and Dr. Margaret Hoopes said that shame-based individuals guard against others’ discovering their shame. Much of it shapes the way they think.

Several cognitive patterns Drs. Harper and Hoopes describe as characteristic of shame-based jerks include:

• belief that “something is wrong with me” (impostor syndrome)
• an inappropriate matching of intensity of emotion with events
• label others negatively as if they’re the real thing
• distort incoming information in the perceptual process so that it fits with their world
• intention of others as well as themselves become very distorted
• overgeneralize and magnify
• poor reality testing
• frequent blaming of others and denying of one’s personal responsibility
• attributing ill will or motive to others without proper reason
• mind reading to the detriment of others and themselves
• believe even the most benign acts of others are directed against them to highlight their defects

Needless to say, jerks need a lot of help. But mostly, they fight it a lot.

Psychology of Aging

If 70 is the normal life span (based on Scripture) and you’re 60, time is slipping by quickly. If 70 is to be squeezed into a 24-hour-day, it would be around 9:00 p.m. in your life. Time on earth is limited even if you can extend it to some more years.

Depression is common among the aged. The clock is ticking. Once, I saw a woman in her 80s, full of vigor, with lots of makeup, teen-fit dress, and partying around since she can still walk reasonably well. When asked about how she feels, she said she’s depressed!

At age 52, writer Robert Browning wrote that he accepted that he had already exceeded the life expectancy of his era. He never knew that His Creator would be gifting him with 27 more remaining years! He painted his process of aging in this way:

“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.”

And then, Browning counseled that aging is a time to “take and use your work, amend what flaws may lurk, look not down but up!”

The ability to adapt. The ability to learn and accept one’s limitations. Faith. Self care. These are determinants of what professional literature of geriatrics call “successful aging.”